About

This is an Old Post from when I very first started my blog, so its almost a year old… but I decided to put it in the About section because I never noticed before that it was blank, lol. Yes, you guessed it I am blonde. But here ya go! If anyone is interested…

My name is Kristina, Krissy to most….
I am 21 (since September), and although that doesnt sound old at all, it feels older to me somehow. I feel young in a sense that I am childlike, but old in the sense that…I am officially IN my twenties. Maybe an infant twenty something, but still a twenty something yet.
I live in Washington…blah. I hate it here, just the whole state seems so gray and gross. I live in a small little town that to me is very boring and unlike where I would like to be.
I am an adventerous person, or so I like to think. I am always going going going, and being confined here drives me crazy.
I work as a Barista (Coffee Girl if anyone lives in a cave) and I really get joy out of my job. Before I discovered I actually could do that I hated working or even the thought of it.
I live with my parents (and I’ll get to them later…) because I had to move back home when I found out I had to get open heart surgery
Yes I have had three, not just one, open hearts. I was born with TOF (look it up if you want to know) and will need surgery to survive the rest of my life. Its not so much a huge deal to me anymore since its all I’ve ever known. But last year I got very sick and I spent nearly eight months in and out of hospitals and my bed. It sucked. But at least I’m alive.
Where did I live before that…with my boyfriend across the country. And yes…I dearly miss it. I think that was, as I saw it, my chance to be happy. And it got taken away, in my eyes. So South Carolina, or surgery is a Very sore subject for me. I try not to be bitter about it…but I feel like a year of my life was stolen. For what its worth.
Family…hmmm. I have a mom, a dad, step mom and step dad, 4 brothers and 2 sisters. All of whom I am in some way estranged from. My parents were divorced when I was 4 and my mom remarried when I was 6. I have always been, and always will be The Black Sheep. The Dissapointment, The Outcast, or The First Pancake. Take your pick. Its not me feeling sorry for myself, its just a fact of life. I am more of a guest in my home than a member of the family. My parents kicked me out when I was a Jr. in Highschool and since then we have had a very rocky relationship. I dont talk to my dad anymore, havent seen him since I was 17. I file a lot of blame on my family for the issues I face now as an adult and although I know the choices I make now are my own I cant help but wonder if I had been brought up with hugs and kisses things would be different. Instead being brought up to think that I was worthless and a disgrace and I would never amount to anything and no one would ever, could ever, love me, has made me into well…. a basketcase. And thats the short short version of that.
I used to hide this part of my life but I have learned through therapy, yes therapy!, that I need to accept it if I ever hope to move on. I am Borderline. I have BPD. And for those who dont know, or dont have it, you will never understand. You can try all you want and it is very much appreciated, but you will never “get it” so to speak. It is pretty much, without explaining it to much, all the crazy disorders you can have rolled into one. Panic Disorder, Depression, Compulsion, Body Issues, Mania, Bi Polar, Histrionic Disorder, Anger Issues……yup. It makes life extremely difficult at times. I’ve tried meds, I’ve tried therapy, but nothing seems to quite work… So I just live with it. End of story.
I am a pretty outgoing happy girl, or at least I really try to be. I love life, and I really want to experiance as many things as I can. I try so hard not to take anything in life for granted because we are just temporary, this is just temporary. I want to make it everything I can and get so much out of it. I am not materialistic for the most part. Theres always that little part of me that wishes I had a nicer car, or better clothes, but life is so not about those things. People who are obsessed with money and things literally make me sick to my stomach. Life is a precious, precious gift. And I definatly intend not to waste it.
I am also a Christian…well okay no please retract that really quick. I believe in God, and Jesus, The Bible, Holy Spirit. The whole shibang. But I hate to be defined like that. So yes I am a Christian, a believer in God. I am not “Religious”, I dont like that term either. I am Spiritual. I go to church….sometimes. Not as much as I probably “should”. Much of what I am saying right now could Easily be contridicted by many if they looked at my lifestyle. Although let not ye judge lest ye be judged…or something like that lol. I know who I am at the end of the day and I know my beliefs. And I only have to answer to myself and to God. That is hard enough sometimes. But I also believe that I am Forgiven, for what is in my heart is true and God knows that. We ALL sin. It is our nature. But even though my body holds sin, and feeds on it, my heart sees none.
Randomness:::: I LOVE tattoos, I have 2 and I am planning on getting more. 3 more soon to be exact. My favorite colors pink… Umm I am addicted to Cuban Food (too bad theres no where good to get some in WA). My bed is my sanctuary. My grandma is my best friend, I tell her everything. And my new favorite drink is a Liquid Cocaine. Yum.

Oh…and I am blonde. I know a blonde named Krissy…how original.

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