Alright so today has just been fucked since the moment I opened my eyes. I closed them right back up, rolled over, and went back to sleep for a couple hours.
I dont know what the hell is wrong with me today. Well okay no thats a total lie. I may not know Specifically what is wrong, but I know the emotions that are making it feel wrong. I am feeling unsure, and discouraged, and suffocated, and like I’m running on a path that goes no where. Nothing new. I havent had alcohol in 82 days. I honestly thought this would make things a million times better in my life. While it has made some things better… I dont feel constantly sick or hungover, I dont feel the constant pressure, and I dont feel crutched or chained down to something. I just, I dunno, I thought it would make things incredibly more clear. I guess it does and it doesnt. I think it just unmasks all those emotions I hid at the bottom of a bottle. All those emotions I never wanted to face. Which is obviously what made me start drinking so heavily in the first place. I feel like I took of the mask of the monster in my closet and it was me all along. What am I supposed to do with that.
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